Today, children spend more time at the computer than in communication with their peers, and, going into virtual reality, they are deprived of very important moments in life. Outstanding Soviet and Russian psychologist Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter tells about how to fix the global problem of parents in the book "On raising a child: conversations and answers to questions".
psychologist, specialist in experimental psychology, systemic family psychotherapy, neuro-linguistic programming. Author of books
Starting to live in a virtual space is a danger facing all of humanity. Children sometimes immerse themselves in it more than in real life. And there, in the virtual world, they overcome obstacles not with their feet and hands, but with the help of figures running on the screen, in communication not with living people, but with those who are hiding under “nicknames”.
It's dangerous, but I think parents are finding a way to avoid it: limiting their VR experiences. You have to restrict the child so that he does not eat some candy all day or disappear for ten hours on the street playing football. This is about mode and discipline.
If there is such a problem, then you need to take action, but not drastic measures.
To limit is not just to prohibit, but to replace with something. Maintain his friendship with other guys, keep him busy with something interesting.
You are not going anywhere from tablets and computers: this is the environment in which children grow up. What impact does having a tablet or what a child does with it? Probably, we should see what he does with him and get involved in this process. The best way to help your child develop is by doing something with him. You will take on more, and then gradually delegate to him what he can do himself. As a result, the child will begin to do everything on his own. Everything develops according to this law: abilities, skills, tastes …
Now it turns out that some parents and grandparents do not know modern technology. The computer game competes with the cultural reserve and skills of the parent, and the parent loses. Well, don't lose! Develop. It's not the computer's fault. The computer has no emotions - it evokes emotions in the child. But you, too, can evoke emotions in a child. Immerse him in good classical music, theater, painting.
Here, however, you can overdo it. My daughter, when her child was born and he was a month old, took an art album and opened it in front of the baby's face. "What are you doing?" - I ask. - "I'm developing his taste." And at this age, the baby's eyes do not even converge, that is, the axes of the two eyes do not converge yet.
True, he can probably hear music, his hearing is already working. Composer Sergei Prokofiev writes in his autobiography that he was literally “born into music,” because when his mother was waiting for him, she played a lot on the piano. And when he was born and lay in the cradle, my mother played the instrument in the next room.
When can a child be allowed into the "kingdom of modern technology"?
I am a doctor, I see children 2–3 years old who cannot speak, but at the same time they are on good terms with a tablet. When can a child be allowed into the "kingdom of gadgets"? Of course, one cannot do without modern technology for future life. But wouldn't it be early?
Many important mental functions develop at an early age. Language, speech, conversation must be developed very early, and for this, it is necessary to start talking with a child before one year. In one family, I saw this picture. The child is 2.5 years old, he is completely uncontrollable, squeals if he is not given something. Then they push him into the toilet, he bangs on the door there … But the parents do all this in silence, and he informs about himself either silently, or through screeching and screaming.
I ask them: “Why don’t you explain to him, don’t talk to him?” They answer: "Why talk to him, he does not speak, so he will not understand anything." Children begin to understand the language up to a year. If someone raised children knows that at 9-10 months they answer with gestures questions like: "Where are the eyes?", "Where is the nose?" etc.
This is a passive stock. And then at 1.5 years old children - girls earlier, boys later - begin to speak themselves. But that doesn't mean it's time to give the tablet. This is a way to get rid of the child's harassment. The child wants something, he needs to be occupied with something. The easiest thing to do is play with a toy.
Rattled with a rattle - she quickly gets bored. And the computer has a huge supply of possibilities. Both children and parents are caught in it. You have to be very, very careful at all stages of his growing up. I am deeply convinced of this. You need to monitor the balance in the same way as with nutrition: feed not only sweets. We need bread, porridge, milk. And here the same thing, in terms of occupation: now a computer, now a conversation, now a family game.
It is important to understand the features of new technologies that children are dealing with. First, in games, the child receives instant feedback and does not get used to the fact that the reaction to his actions may be belated, delayed. Second, physical interactions with “objects” in gadgets are limited and distorted. They do not give the child the opportunity to practically master the laws of physics and mechanics.
And thirdly, emotional relationships in computer games and social networks are curtailed and limited. Parents should understand the richness of the real world, the variety of its sides and properties. Realize which of these properties are absent in technologies or are curtailed. When you limit the interaction of children with gadgets, then fill the free time with activities in which the child will receive what technology does not give him. Active activities, real actions with objects, emotional communication with mom and dad, real relationships with friends.
If you share emotions with your child and instill in him a taste for the real world, then by the time he goes to school, the limitations of gadgets will be well known to him. Compete with gadgets: prove in practice that real communication is more interesting than virtual.