Editor Natalia Kapitsa - on what signs can be used to judge untimely deceased love.
How often do you say to yourself “enough!”, But at the same time remain in a painful relationship for yourself? How often does an inner voice say "run!", And you stand still and endure? In a state of numbness, I spent several years, each time threatening during an argument that this was the last time. I share my personal experience of how I managed to convince myself to get out of a painful relationship and start from scratch.
Your partner is not responding to your emotional request
Psychologists say that this is the very first marker and point of no return. During any conflict, it is extremely important to communicate your feelings to your partner. Only without insults and personalization. "Your act hurt me" is correct. “You're just unbearable” is wrong. Your partner needs to know why you are crying or suffering. But if he does not respond to requests, continuing to step on a sore callus, leave. Just don't scare! Weigh all the pros and cons, and if there are more second arguments, pack your things, promising yourself that there is no turning back.
You are constantly changing roles
There is such a thing as the Karpman triangle, when partners in a relationship constantly change roles: victim - pursuer - rescuer. Such a relationship is painful for both. This is a story about dove injury and codependency. The hidden goal of each "player" of the triangle is to satisfy their unconscious needs in a way convenient for themselves. In the end, such a strategy only does harm to both. The triangle is always isosceles, and yesterday's victim may well become a persecutor today. And so on ad infinitum. Is there a way out of this confined space? There are two options. The first is psychotherapy, the second is flight and a visit to a psychologist in the future.
Your partner annoys you
We are not talking about isolated habits in the form of an unopened tube of toothpaste. And about permanent irritation. If you don't like the way your partner speaks, eats, walks, and further down the list - leave! Love is unconditional acceptance with all habits, strengths, weaknesses. Any attempts to change your partner, making him comfortable for yourself, indicate that you have chosen the wrong "boot".
You don't care
If you are completely indifferent to what your partner is doing, where he goes and what he does, this is a marker that it is time to end the relationship. Apathy and lack of interest in the life of another are symptoms of chronic dislike. This situation is very toxic to both you and your other half.
You doubt your own worth
Until a certain moment, my life resembled the quest "Don't let yourself be driven under the plinth."
My partner constantly instilled in me that I was stupid, ugly, narrow-minded, useless to anyone.
The purpose of this whole speech was one: to understate my own worth so that an escape plan would be impossible. Then the psychologist had to restore the psycho-emotional state for a year and a half. You are unique! And no one has the right to lower your self-esteem for the sake of their interests. As soon as your partner starts doing this, run without looking back.
You are reading this article
If you are reading this article now, then you have been thinking for a long time that the relationship has become obsolete. And this is already a problem! Such impulses do not arise from scratch. They always have causal relationships. You shouldn't be scared - you don't need to fill the void with random people. Talk to yourself frankly. What are the real reasons why you are in a painful relationship now? Fear of being alone? Society-imposed norms and standards? Or respect, love and emotion? Relationships should be beneficial! If this does not happen, then it is time to finish them here and now.