BeautyHack.ru editor Natalia Kapitsa talks about what habits spoil relationships and whether it is possible to get rid of them.
Mouth to lock
John Gray, author of Man from Mars, Wife from Venus, says that men and women experience their problems differently. The first like to be silent and alone, the second - to talk and cry. Sometimes during quarrels, many girls take a masculine position, starting to play silent. "Take it and guess why I was offended." He won't take it and won't guess! You need to talk about problems and your emotional needs. Did your partner's words hurt you? Tell me which ones, so that he removes them from the lexicon when communicating with you.
The game of "catch-up"
Problems should be talked about when they are relevant. Alas and ah, but many keep silent about them, and then pour out with a fountain at any opportunity. When you collect water drop by drop in a glass for a long time, sooner or later it will overflow. Don't let this happen. The drop creates the sea. Don't like your partner's behavior? Speak from it in real time. Just don't try to remember what happened three years ago. One conversation, one problem.
Shifting your problems onto someone else's shoulders
The fact that you quarreled with Masha is only your problem with her. And the other half is definitely not to blame for this. If in the evening you urgently need to talk about it - tell us, but do not try to state something from the series: "It's your fault, because you didn't let us go to the cafe!" It is also not necessary to be offended that the partner does not want to vigorously discuss the current situation. He has the right not to express emotions, taking the position of a listener.
The rules for accepting responsibility must be observed when communicating with each other. “It was you who offered to buy this cabinet, and now it’s broken,” is the wrong approach. The wardrobe broke down because it was made of poor quality, not because a partner chose it.
High-pitched conversation
The 30 second rule is the best thing that can happen in your life. A conversation in a raised voice in a priori cannot be effective. Because at this moment you are driven by emotions, not common sense. Words have an amazing ability: they are etched into memory, remaining there for life. What was said a year ago will be remembered at any opportunity. Wait 30 seconds before raising your tone, weighing the pros and cons. Speak only when you understand and realize the consequences!
Disrespect for personal space
Your partner may have interests that are very different from yours: accept and be aware of this fact. If this is not the case, it is worth considering whether this is codependency in a neglected form. You don't have to spend 100% of your time together. Your partner doesn't have to love tennis if you do. He doesn't have to share all your interests. He doesn't have to live the way you want. Respect for personal space is the main secret of successful and happy relationships.
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