2023 Author: Jessica James | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 03:31
“After the birth of the child, you began to look much better”, “We were afraid that we would lose you, but during pregnancy you only became more active”, “How dramatically you lost weight” - these words, sounding so sweet and warming the soul and self-esteem, I heard from all relatives and friends for several years after pregnancy and childbirth. No joke, I can understand the reaction of people: for them I have radically changed outwardly, lost 10 kg in 9 months, which, according to the prophecies, should, on the contrary, bring an extra 10, or even 20. And she also began to think more freely, demonstrating that having a child is only the beginning of a classy journey. If you are smiling, let me clarify that it was in the pre-instagram era of ideal parenting in all respects.
I was the first close friend to experience motherhood. Then Instagram was just gaining momentum, we did not have the opportunity to observe the happy outcomes of each pregnancy in the form of beautiful photos from maternity hospitals and permanently thin mothers without bruises under their eyes. The reality for which the experience of generations and queues at polyclinics prepared us for was different. I was 23, and I was not ready for motherhood.
To the surprise and shock that I experienced when I saw the two stripes, an absolutely incredible then feeling of confidence and firm conviction was mixed in: only I am responsible for my future and for the future of my child, only I will decide how my life (and my body) will change after birth of a daughter and only I can influence everything that happens. Now I understand: this was the very "good" eustress, which, instead of consuming our energy from the inside, spurs, gives strength, makes us think quickly and make firm decisions.
Later I learned that psychologists often appeal to the concepts of "eustress" and "distress" in the context of pregnancy. They naturally urge to fight the second and explain some complications and even difficult nine months with distress. Pregnancy, in any case, is accompanied by experiences, what they will be - it's up to you, not your mother, not your husband, or even your doctor.
I was lucky, the positive test turned out to be a cheerful kick, the body was with me for one thing, and the daily mantra was a phrase that had not yet been overused by coaches, which came not from books, but intuitively: a happy mother is a happy child. Moreover, I was to become happy right now, at this moment, not a day or a month later. The body and the brain seemed to demand it, and I had no chance to challenge their decision. More specifically, happiness for me consisted of routine little things: staying at the same weight after giving birth, not changing my usual way of life (and continuing to do this as much as possible after pregnancy), not decreasing activity, not stopping work and not whining.
It sounds selfish, but, you must admit, carrying your child for 9 months and being a mother is a multifaceted, incredibly difficult role, which is now somehow not customary to idealize.
About weight
Being in a position, I read one practically mocking advice: "if you want to eat, eat an apple, if you don't want an apple, you don't want to eat." I suppose that he has a collective author, so I cannot thank someone in particular, but this is the phrase I have been scrolling through my head for most of the pregnancy.
I repeat that it was important for me just to at least keep my figure, so I began to tightly control my diet - I didn't think of any other way to keep track of weight. At first, it looked like a dozen tough restrictions: no unhealthy snacks when you want to; no dinners after 18:00; sweets once a week (but with great pleasure). In fact, I understand that I just drew attention to my disordered diet and confidently removed everything unnecessary from it. This alone was enough to get rid of 10 kilograms in the first and early second trimester. When my stomach appeared, I was already thinner than six months ago, so much so that my mother, seeing the situation, began to touch my hands and almost measure the volume of my wrist. I was super comfortable in the new weight, sweets and glazed curds at 22:00 were no longer inspiring and, yes,the child was fine - to say that all this added confidence in the future, to say nothing.
I did not set the task of losing 10 kg, so its solution turned out to be a pleasant bonus. Having set a small goal, I have come a long way in just a few months that goes far beyond physical fitness.
Controlling your emotions
Perinatal psychologist Ekaterina Istratova says in one of her books that our only chance to control “bad” stress is to master the mechanisms of relaxation, stress resistance and self-regulation. It sounds more complicated than it really is.
In practice, I ruled out any human negativity, as well as assumptions in the spirit of “Well, you’ll give birth and you won’t be so positive,” “Everyone tolerated, and you’ll be patient,” as well as inappropriate advice to rest more, not sit on the grass, and so on.
Until now, the feeling that maternity leave in our country is worn like a sacred cow does not leave. In most countries, women cannot afford to rest before childbirth and are forced to go to the office almost immediately after, combining motherhood with work, not at will and for pleasure, but out of necessity. Our mothers, having the opportunity to be a child side by side for three years, often turn this time into torture.
In the meantime, we are only required to take ourselves and our emotions under control, to start taking responsibility for our lives, not to try to shift responsibility and not to choose the path to suffer.
Activity
I am firmly convinced that if you do not have medical contraindications, you should not reduce activity during pregnancy. Just choose an activity you like: walking a lot, swimming in the pool, doing gymnastics with a group or yoga for pregnant women. I did everything at once, which brought me a real buzz - this is in the first place. And secondly, it simply helped to stay in shape. The positive changes that had already taken place in the body were incredibly invigorating further. It's really very nice to come home from the hospital, put on jeans bought without trying on two sizes smaller than pre-pregnant parameters, button them up without difficulty and go for a walk with a child who has brought into your life much more than what is written in books and on forums.
