Dad Is Not An Assistant To Mom: A Column That A Child Has Two Parents, Not One

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Dad Is Not An Assistant To Mom: A Column That A Child Has Two Parents, Not One
Dad Is Not An Assistant To Mom: A Column That A Child Has Two Parents, Not One
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BeautyHack columnist, writer and simply incredible Anna Miller is raising three girls with her husband. And this time he reflects on the distribution of roles in the family.

avatar Anna Miller
avatar Anna Miller

Anna Miller

children's writer, journalist

While everyone is staying at home, mothers were divided into those who are happy that their husbands are at home, and those whom they, husbands, cannot save in any way (only cleaning and cooking has increased).

Among themselves, the ladies are discussing: does your husband help you with your child? It is about this that "helps" we talked with Natasha, the chief editor of Beautyhack.

And I wondered why it HELPS?

It seems to me that dad is not an assistant. Not the one who steps in when Mom needs to leave or when Mom is busy. It was like that before. Now is a different time. Now in parks with strollers there are as many dads as there are mothers, now joint childbirth is a common thing, now dads know everything about complementary foods and massage. Perfectly! After all, dad is the same mom, only dad.

Although, of course, different dads are needed, there are all kinds of dads.

Sometimes "I work, I need to rest. " The main task is to support the family, and in order to be effective in this, it would be good for dad to get enough sleep (preferably not where the child screams and eats 12 times at night), dad needs to rest after work, you can safely eat under the TV, play on the computer, stand in the shower to relax. And against the background of this splendor, a gray-haired, distraught mother with a baby in her arms is usually worn. She does not need to rest, she is not tired. It doesn't work.

In such an alignment of forces, in my opinion, there is not enough experiment - to leave dad “to rest at home with the child” for a week. To make everything clear.

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There is a dad "when free - all yours. " An honest option. I worked it out, came in and turned on. He let the gray-gray mother wash, lie down, eat. And most importantly, I talked to the child.

Sometimes "children are not a man's business. " It works - it doesn't work, it doesn't matter. Such a dad does not understand what to do with these children? They don't understand anything, they don't run, they can't fry a steak for themselves. Such a dad should be ASKED to stay with his own child. It is good to ask, making excuses “I really need to wash my hair”, “I’ll go and cook some soup for you.”

Dad can sigh with displeasure: gosspodi, I wanted to go about my business. That is, he has his own business, and the child is not his business. Such dads hold the child like a soccer ball in outstretched arms, usually standing under the bathroom door while mom washes her hair.

Maybe he will become an excellent father when the children are 10 years old, or better 15.

Well, sometimes it's just DAD. FATHER.

The father hugs his baby, the father looks for a T-shirt in the closet and puts it on, carefully pulling it on the handles, the father sings something about "we are going, we are going, we are going" or even something from Sinatra, the father dances at night with bites in his arms, because “We have teeth,” the father looks into the diaper with genuine interest, the father throws it up and makes merry not to show everyone how the baby smiles at HIM, but to amuse the baby, the father reads about the reaction to vaccinations, the father hears crying in the “baby monitor” - says "I'm going" and runs away.

As a mother, the most amazing thing is to watch your two loved ones communicate - a child and his dad. It's even better than drinking coffee with girlfriends and getting a manicure. You give the child into the hands of your father, you want to go to the bath to lie down, as you dreamed all day, but you stop and look at them. They are family. He's a dad. With him, the baby is not afraid of anything.

And only with dad can mom laugh, how funny the cuckoo says "aguglya", only with dad can you play sappers and tiptoe out of the room where the baby sleeps to watch a movie. Together. Mom and Dad.

Dad is not a helper. This is another most important person for a child. HIS ADULT. Not the second, but the most important one.

Yesterday I wrote a list under the heading: "What are @ and @ yki not needed for?" Because mom often hears: “Well, what can I do with the child? I don’t have a breast with milk.” In response, you can present a list of what can be done without breastfeeding. If we discard the issues of the economy (cooking, cleaning, dishes, linen, food, etc.), then the chest is absolutely not useful for bathing, walking with a stroller, putting to bed, playing, chatting, reading, hugging, carrying on handles. WEAR ON HANDLES.

And you do all this not because you are helping your mother raise the child, but because you are raising the child together.

Dad helped when my mother was pregnant - to lie down, sit down, get up, put on boots, not carry weights. He helped when my mother gave birth - he held the hand, was there, or at least called and supported. But then the child appeared. Your child. Dad can be scared. Drop, break, wake up, dip your nose into the water. But dad will learn everything. Anything can. Because dad is big warm hands in which the child is calm and safe. Dad is a loud voice who will rush to protect. Dad is patience and perseverance when you need to learn something. Dad is delight in the eyes when he learned.

Dad is your adult. Not my mother’s helper.

Text: Anna Miller

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