It would seem that at a time when motherhood is supported, when a lot of clothes for feeding and devices are created that allow a mother and baby not to go crazy within four walls, when it is broadcasted from here: give birth, there is everything so that you can continue a full life with a baby, such situations should not occur. But the scandal when the mother was kicked out of the Hermitage for feeding the child in one of the halls proves that society is still not ready to accept a nursing woman as a full-fledged part of it. We analyze the unconscious signals of the psyche that are turned on when we discuss this topic.
Elena Sadykova
Psychologist, mom
- St. Petersburg photographer Erica Parfenova went to the Hermitage with a one and a half month old baby, and now she herself feels like an outlandish exhibit. The young mother found herself at the center of a scandal around the eternal topic - is it possible to breastfeed in public.
“There was a corner in the temporary exhibition hall, a couple of benches in dim light - hurray, here we will not disturb other visitors, we cannot even be seen,” Erica writes on Instagram (there was also her friend with her baby). - We turned our backs to the audience to be sure.
But this was not enough for the museum curators. They asked the women to leave, noting that "you have to sit at home with THIS."
After the post on social networks, fame fell on Erica: journalists run to interview her, followed by a horde of fans to cross swords in the comments.
“Nobody wants to look at your nudity! Exhibitionists!"
"Is it really difficult to devote all of yourself to a child, why are you impatient to have fun ?!" - opponents of public feeding are boiling.
"That is, bare breasts in advertising are the norm, and a baby on the breast, which is not even visible in a sling, is disgusting debauchery?" - outraged mothers who lead an active life after the birth of a child.
“We don't want to be locked in four walls with a baby. Give active motherhood! " - fighters with postpartum depression enter into an argument.
Why is this topic haunted by everyone? What kind of magnet is hidden in it?
Let's understand from the point of view of psychology.
This is how it works. Everyone who is distorted by the sight of a nursing mother immediately draws her breasts in their imaginations, although in fact the breasts are often not visible. And the breast in our culture is sexualized: in society, it is common to talk about how to tempt with the breast, enlarge the breast, emphasize the breast. Even artists who paint with their breasts are more likely to elicit giggles than censure. But in the context of feeding, it is decent to mention breasts only on mothers' forums - somewhere between ovulation and an enema.
That is, showing a breast without a baby is funny, daring, reckless, self-confident. What is there, beautiful!
And the edge of the breast with the baby is already ashamed. How does the child bring shame to this situation?
Bare breasts in most women and men are directly associated with sex. Plus the feeling when feeding a baby - it is close to sexual arousal due to the release of hormones. Therefore, observing the feeding of a child causes cognitive dissonance in the minds of some: breast, sex, child … Stop - this is wrong, this is a shame, it should not be so, stop showing me this!
Oh well. They saw, were ashamed of their own thoughts - turned away. But where does the urge to persecute come from? Why did some, after reading an article in the newspaper about a young mother, rush to the social network to look for her page in order to convey how wrong she is? How did it happen that a situation that they had not seen in person hurt them so much?
Now it's difficult, strain: we perceive the environment with the help of a psyche, consisting of our previous experience and our ways of reacting. People can be irritated only by what they do not accept in themselves. In principle, we see only ourselves around us - consciousness does not even cling to what is not in us.
Everyone who thinks of breastfeeding Erica is, to some extent, nursing Erica. And those who do not accept their body and their sexuality can be seriously traumatized by this involuntary incarnation. Museum, breast, nipple, baby … What a nightmare! We urgently need to prove to everyone that I am not capable of this and I do not want it at all.
They shout in the comments: “You can't do that!”, But in fact, in this cry it sounds: “It's not me! Mom, don't punish me."
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