Bioniq journalist and brand director Yana Kushner - about why you shouldn't ask pregnant women about their lifestyle, upcoming birth and weight.
Once, Ben and I, my eldest son, three weeks old, went out for a walk on Patrick's. Alison's neighbor kept us company. Our small talk flowed smoothly from one topic to another, like the Hudson to the Atlantic Ocean, but I was all alert, waiting for some tricky question about childbirth, pregnancy and motherhood. However, the mother of two from the Big Apple stubbornly repeated something about the weather, my fresh complexion and the dug area. As a result, I could not resist and asked directly: “Do you really not want to know if it hurt me during childbirth? Am I feeding? Am I not afraid of losing my job during the maternity leave and when I’ll get ready for the second one? " After all, it is with us, the most reading nation, a pregnant woman or a woman who has just given birth, who is interrogated with partiality.
1: Can I touch it?
I'll start with the most common pregnancy questions. Every second (and yes, even men) tried to touch my uterus (after all, this is what the "pregnant belly" is). Therefore, the question "Can I touch it?" needless to say, the hands were accompanied. They stretched from all sides, just like the lamp of Aladdin or the Holy Grail. I stubbornly stopped touching with just one glance, making an exception only for two of my close friends, who believed that in this way they would become the next. The rest were met with the answer: "No, you can't."
2: "But according to my calculation: I must give birth"
I will skip to the last month of pregnancy. For nulliparous I will explain: Imagine that for nine fucking months you were going through the strongest hormonal changes in the body, went through toxicosis, exciting tests for abnormalities, back pain (we wrote more about this here), legs, recovered at least ten kilograms, ultimately you feel like a brutal hysterical hippopotamus (by the way, one of the deadliest animals in Africa) on a platoon. You tremble like a bath leaf at the thought of labor pains, childbirth and dire consequences. But the closer the PDD (preliminary date of birth), the more often you start receiving SMS from strangers with exercises in wit: “Well, how are you? Have not given birth yet?". “How are you scared already? You are probably afraid of this inhuman pain? " "Do you understand that it will be VERY painful?"
Sometimes these questions are asked by men. They, of course, know not by hearsay.
And in general, men, please do not worry!
Life hack for all pregnant women: answer about the estimated date of birth, moving it a month later. As soon as everyone will start calling you, and you are already like Figaro: with a baby in an embrace at home.
3: About lifestyle
“Do you still drive? Are you eating Chianti? Doing sports?" This is followed by a lecture about all the dangers of the above for the formation of the fetus.
Every woman is the best mother for her child, and she herself knows and feels where the line is, through which one can or cannot cross. Leave it to her. Especially if your advice was not asked.
Remember, many women hide their position to the last (this is how many celebrities do, you can read more about this here). Basically it is we, Russians, superstitious and suspicious. You will be dragged into a burning hut and stopped like a galloping horse if you conspiratorially decide to discuss a secret pregnancy, it is also secret. Have you guessed? Calculated? Keep this knowledge as Sherlock Holmes his pipe with the remains of tobacco. And, by the way, they congratulate you after giving birth, and if you are nevertheless told personally that the lady is in a position, your maximum is: "Very happy for you."
5: Details of the upcoming birth
“Where are you going to give birth? Who is the doctor? And she brought my friend to Caesarean. Good luck. " Particularly like to start communication with such questions are other pregnant women who, only on the basis of their position, try to become bosom friends with you from the first second.
"How much did you get?" I don’t even know if it’s worth explaining that it’s indecent to ask … But they are asking. The following remark also refers to this point: "What do you have there, twins?" No. Triplet.
For the uninitiated, this is the epidural that modern women can afford to make labor easier. In the moms community, two camps “for” and “against” have formed. Therefore, this slippery question in every sense will put you on your shoulder blades. You will find yourself either a frivolous selfish mom or a fanatic who dreams of giving birth in the fields. Any pregnant woman from the question "Will you give birth yourself?" a nervous tic begins, so just don't brag that you know that word. This also includes, by the way, Caesarean, which many, like epidural anesthesia, are prescribed for medical reasons, and not because a woman wants to get rid of the Lord's predestined - "in agony you will give birth to your children." And even if so, this is again a woman's private affair.
8: About husband
“Do you keep making love? Aren't you afraid to scare your child? Did I hear libido falls?"
Such questions are asked even by those who in ordinary life did not touch on the topic of sex. But since you are pregnant, it is certainly important to find out how you and your husband are doing in bed.
Others start from afar: “Will the husband be at birth? Bold! Not afraid to look at all IT? And you are brave! And then all of a sudden he will not want to sleep with you later!"
9: About money
"How much does the contract cost?"
Money is an even more intimate issue than sex. Just forget.
10: About the nanny
"Will you take a nanny?" Here, too, society is divided into two violent camps. Some call for a close connection with the child, the psychological umbilical cord, which the uncouth Freken Bok will surely tear. Others will peck you like a hen to a mother hen: “You are an advanced modern girl! Do you want not to get out of the diaper? I handed over the child and let's go to St. Barth for a month or two!"
What then to talk about with pregnant women? Don't talk to them. These individuals are sensitive, they have one more person inside. Better give them a seat in a long line, open the door to the restaurant, bend down to get the fallen thing and smile. Remember, someday your turn (or your daughter, sister, niece, goddaughter) will come and you will be asked: “Well, how are you? Have not given birth yet?"
Text: Yana Kushner
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