Almost any dictionary will define a compliment as a flattering, gracious expression or subtle praise. And although such a phenomenon as "flattery" today has a very dubious reputation, sociologists and communications specialists emphasize that people still love to hear it addressed to them. Moreover, we all in one way or another strive to please each other, and the art of complimenting is a great way to gain sympathy for another.
Anastasia Kireeva, specialist in social and business etiquette, Ph.D., graduate of the school of etiquette The English Manner (London), explains the current norms of behavior to the editors and readers of BeautyHack. We read and check if we are doing everything right!
Anastasia Kireeva
specialist in social and business etiquette
It is important not to allow what you said to go from the category of subtle praise to the category of ordinary flattery, so let's consider in what manner compliments will sound most advantageous.
Confident, friendly tone and always with a smile.
Facial expressions and gestures should match the words, maintain eye contact, but never go tactile
Before making a compliment, calculate the reaction to it: it is quite possible to do this when you have been communicating with a person for more than one minute
If you are not sure of the success of the compliment, it is better to refrain from it for now
Especially often we like to "sin" with compliments about the appearance, however, it is this type of compliments that is considered the most primitive and not the most successful. Often compliments such as: "How wonderful you look today!" sound ambiguous, in addition, the person being given a compliment may internally be outraged by the fact that you dared to evaluate his appearance at all.
Here are the top 6 most common mistakes you make when trying to compliment:
Double meaning. Always present when words are spoken now, today, unexpectedly, surprisingly
Pronounced flattery. Most clearly visible, for example, when a woman of respectable age is told that she looks 20 years old
A downward assessment. It is especially unpleasant when, along with a compliment, they say something like “even I like it”, “I appreciated it”, “not bad enough”
The presence of moral advice when you say that this dress suits a lady this way and mention that she should wear it more often
Irony. No comment. Light irony is appropriate only in an attempt to play a trick on yourself
Theatrical effects, excessive enthusiasm - this is what will only spoil the impression of you, but will not contribute to the proper effect of the compliment
What are the best compliments in the context of small talk?
The internal moral qualities of a person
Talents, hobbies, hobbies
Professional achievements
Sense of style, intuition, erudition
The most valuable compliments are unobtrusive, light and made with genuine admiration. It is absolutely easy to master the art of complimenting in this manner, especially if this skill is systematically trained. For example, let's take the 5 most popular topics for supporting so-called “small-talk”: weather; culture, entertainment, sports; news and novelties; travels; hobbies and hobbies. What compliments in the contours of these topics can you give your interlocutor?
Weather: “What wonderful weather! I'm sure she was attracted by your idea of meeting on the terrace. "
Culture, entertainment, sports: “You give such sensible comments about the game. It feels like you are well versed in this sport. "
News and novelties: “You are so knowledgeable about technology trends. What innovations can we expect in the near future? "
Travel: “Your craving for new interesting places is close to me. What is the direction for your spring trip? "
Hobbies and hobbies: “You definitely enjoy sports. Your posture and movements speak for themselves. "
Just as challenging as giving compliments is being able to accept them gracefully. After all, you must admit that everyone becomes embarrassed when, in response to a sincere compliment, they hear his challenge and denial.
The best ways to respond to a compliment:
Agree with him and refrain from comments, clarifying questions
Thank you sincerely and politely not only with a dry “thank you”
Give a mutual compliment
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