At 17, I was sure that sincere love can survive anything. At 20, a worm appeared in my head called "what if not all." At 30, I finally and irrevocably realized three things: people do not change, love manifests itself in respect, lovers may not fit each other in psychotype. Don't repeat my mistakes! Which ones? I'm telling you.
Error №1: Do you believe, that a person can change
As a psychotherapist once told me, people change in two cases: after clinical death and if they themselves want to. Naive girls believe that they can easily make the other half "want". They invest all their resources in relationships, attend cooking classes, spend a huge amount of time, money and energy on beauty salons. And the result is the same - the man gets used to it and begins to take it for granted. Love alone is not enough for a person to want to change. To do this, he must have his own motivation and a huge inner desire, caused by inner discomfort.
Mistake # 2: you don't set boundaries from the start
Before starting a relationship, talk honestly with your partner and find out what he expects from them. Perhaps your goals are simply not the same. You want children, and he wants physical intimacy without obligation. Do not build illusions, ask directly.
Mistake # 3: lack of consistency
He said - did! This rule works not only in the issue of parenting. If you indicated from the start that you do not accept cheating, but at the first adultery you forgave the wrong chosen one, be sure: he will do it again. Otherwise, all these "I will never forgive" turn into an empty shaking of air.
Mistake # 4: codependency
Losing yourself in a relationship is the most common mistake. Understand that love doesn't have to be earned. It must be unconditional. You must have your own interests, hobbies and hobbies. There is no need to live according to the principle "I will cook dinner, he will be glad, I will put on beautiful underwear, he will appreciate it." Such things are done primarily for oneself. When your plans revolve exclusively around your partner, this is the first marker of codependency.
Mistake # 5: doing things that aren't fun
Cooking borscht because it is necessary is not a healthy story. Relationships should be fun. It is not a duty or obligation. Another question is that life cannot consist of only pleasures. The main thing is to agree in advance. And if you agreed that a man cooks borsch, and you tighten the nuts, then tighten it and do not be indignant.
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