The Third Is Not Superfluous: Mediation As A Way To Resolve Family Conflicts

Sad statistics: in the first six months of 2019, more than 230 thousand married couples divorced in Russia. There is no data on how many of them disperse peacefully, and how many - with scandals, smashing dishes or even violence. But for sure, in absolutely most cases, emotions, resentments, insults are used. Objectivity is lost, people stop hearing each other. In fact, couples - not all, but at least some - have a chance to save the relationship with a mediator.

How it works, says the head of the mediation service of the Izmailovo family center, Irina Gurova.

A family dispute will be resolved by a mediator

Mediation is a form of conflict resolution with the help of a mediator (mediator). The mediator helps the disputants to build a constructive dialogue, to come to a compromise without aggression.

For Russia, objectively, this is a new direction. It appeared here in the early 2000s. In the capital, mediation has already become more or less common practice - such a free service is available in Moscow family centers. Family mediation began in the United States in the late 1960s, and then came to Western Europe. Success will depend on how well Russian mediators manage to win the trust of potential clients.

“In family mediation, a mediator helps resolve a conflict between family members. For example, when the spouses cannot agree on how to raise and provide for the children. Or they argue over whom to register the property. There are many reasons for disagreement. Family mediation allows you to preserve the emotional strength of the parties, to prevent the disintegration of the family,”says Irina Gurova.

According to the specialist, thanks to the mediator, people begin to hear and understand each other. When the situation escalates, he allows the parties to express their feelings and emotions calmly. Ensures that this does not escalate into an even greater conflict. Ideally, if everything works out, and both parties to the conflict are committed to reconciliation, the atmosphere in the family becomes normal. Mediation is especially useful if children are involved in the conflict.

“The main thing is that both parents want to settle the family conflict without harming the child. Mediation helps parents focus on the needs and feelings of their children. Gives you the opportunity to think over the format of your relationship. This is a very important question. After all, it is family conflicts that lead to child aggression, leaving home, suicides,”Irina emphasizes.

Better mediation than court

The mediator is a neutral party not interested in the outcome of the dispute. He helps those in conflict to reach an agreement, and not to find someone to blame, as is the case in court.

The court is exhausting proceedings, big losses of time and money, unwanted publicity. As a rule, these processes breed loved ones even further.

How is mediation going

The mediation procedure consists of several stages. Introduction to the process: the mediator is given an introduction, and each party expresses their point of view. The mediator retells the positions of the participants and clarifies whether he understood the situation correctly.

The second stage is discussion. Time to work out in detail the issues for discussion in the negotiations. The mediator conducts individual conversations with each of the parties, identifies points of convergence.

Then a general session takes place, during which proposals are developed and discussed. There can be several such sessions. When agreements have been reached, the mediator prepares a draft agreement.

How long does it take? Depends on the parties to the conflict. There are cases when mediation ends after the first session, two to three hours. The maximum mediation period is six months.

Within the law

Since 2011, the work of mediation services has been regulated by 193-FZ “On an alternative procedure for resolving disputes with the participation of a mediator (mediation procedure)”. “There are a number of reasons hindering the rapid development of the procedure: low level of legal culture, peculiarities of the Russian mentality. But the picture is gradually changing. Mediation services are opening more and more often, including in social institutions, specialized training centers, conferences are being held,”said Irina Gurova