2023 Author: Jessica James | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 03:31
Quarantine showed problems in relationships even in those families where it would seem that calm reigned. One form of aggression is psychological manipulation.
Anyone can be a manipulator: a friend, colleague, parent, significant other, a saleswoman in a store. Usually this person presses on the strongest feelings: love, guilt, fear, self-doubt, pride, pity. How not to fall for this bait, says Ekaterina Repeykova, a specialist at the Moscow Psychological Aid Service.
Playing on feelings
There are different types of manipulations. These are the most common ones:
The manipulator can threaten another that he will not love him if the person does not do something. The phrases are used: “You love me? Then prepare me breakfast "," If you go to your friends now, I will not love you anymore "," You can only love good people who value the feelings of loved ones "," A person who loves can forgive everything."
Manipulation of fear
Fear is one of the most powerful experiences. Each has his own: darkness, loneliness, insects, lack of money. It is not difficult for a manipulator to understand what fear you have in order to start playing on your weaknesses. Here the phrases are typical: “If you want to spend a day with me, then you will have to behave well”, “If you don’t participate in this competition, the director will not forget it”, “You want to pass an exam in mathematics? Then you will have to come to me for additional classes."
“While you were happy, I was very sad. Now I am in a bad mood”,“Of course, you can afford it, because you have such a job. But I can't "," I understand that you went to work, where you get tired. But you're a good mother. And good mothers have time for everything”,“Usually you cook deliciously and cook a lot - not like that lately. Perhaps it's all about your new hobby, which is wasting your time. " When someone says such phrases directed at you, guilt begins to wake up and assert itself. There is a desire to help a person. And not because of a sincere need, but because of the gnawing feeling of guilt. But this is enough for the manipulator. After all, the goal will be achieved.
Manipulation - feeling insecure
This type of manipulation is characterized by phrases: “Listen only to me. I have 20 years of experience behind me, but what can you do? "," You don't know what to do. You gave birth five minutes ago, and I have already raised and learned the children. You don’t understand anything”,“I thought you were smarter, but you cannot cope with this task. Then I will turn to another person."
Many of us are vain, proud of our knowledge, skills, values. Phrases related to this type of manipulation can be as follows: “I understand that there are a lot of projects and work. But you are an excellent worker, can't you handle everything on time? "," Honey, you are just making a wonderful cheesecake! My parents specially came to try it "," And you, it turns out, are not as cool as I thought. I thought you could take the money from your parents."
Manipulation of pity
The manipulator only complains, not seeking to resolve a difficult situation or improve his conditions (at least on his own). Phrases: “Nobody cares about me, not even you. And so I would like someone to buy me a present”,“These days I am especially sad. So I would like someone to be near”,“Can you imagine, they all have new phones, and I walk around like it is not clear who”.
How to resist manipulation
Working with thoughts
Each of us throughout his life, at least once, found himself in the hands of a manipulator. It doesn't matter who it was to you. Think carefully about what you are reacting to more strongly, to what kind of manipulation. What notes of your soul are affected by this? Now think about how you can protect yourself from this type of manipulation - by word, action, gesture, come up with your own protective amulet that will protect you.
The rule of the minute
For a person, it is, in principle, normal to think about their next steps, desires. But for everyone, the conduction of nerve impulses works at different speeds - for some it is faster, for some it is slower. If you understand that it takes more time to think about any actions, decisions, do not be afraid to say that you need to take a break.
H e excuses not to start to defend
You have not done anything bad or unnatural if you did not want to dance to the tune of the manipulator.
Mr. OVOR "no"
There is a comedy film with Jim Carrey called Always Say Yes. The hero of the picture had to give consent to all proposals coming from different people for several days. Try starring in Always Say No to practice your refusal skill. Let's take less time - just one hour. As a tool, you will need a friend or family member who is ready to turn his creativity to the maximum. Ask him to offer you a variety of actions for an hour, to which you will need to answer "no". Your task is simple - to refuse and feel yourself in this process of refusal: is it easy for you to do it. If not, what's stopping you?
N Receiving a "clash with reality"
Its meaning is that you answer the remark and information of the manipulator with counter questions from the series: "Why are you asking this?", "What do you want to achieve?", "Why do you need this?" etc. Thus, you will have the opportunity to bring the manipulator “into the light from the twilight” or into clear water.