2023 Author: Jessica James | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 03:31
The pandemic takes away not only health and work from people, but also love relationships. The gap in such conditions is equated with the apocalypse. And no scary statistics coupled with forced isolation can distract from their own pain. In this article, Julia Lanske (@lanskejulia), an expert in the field of relationships, date-coach number 1 in the world according to the American iDate Awards, suggests effective ways to recover faster and see the benefits in such a seemingly irreparable situation.
Why did he leave? There may be several reasons for this. Perhaps something of the following made him take this step:
- A quagmire of relationships. When they cease to please, satisfy needs and develop.
- Your female mistakes. It can be anything: jealousy, cessation of caring for oneself, overprotection of a man, disrespect for him, etc.
- Stuffiness. In this case, you and him initially built the wrong personal boundaries. And it turned out that you simply strangled each other in your own relationship, lost yourself.
And what does the "crown" have to do with it?
They say that the virus itself does not kill, but only aggravates the course of chronic diseases.
Apparently, this is a direct indicator that everything in your relationship was not so transparent and airy, if the appearance of the virus forced the man to make such a harsh decision “to leave the game”.
Of course, the scenario could be different:
- A man deals with this crisis differently than you.
- The time spent apart prompted him to reevaluate the relationship and realize that you would be better off without each other (if you are not going through isolation together)
- The pandemic made him very anxious about work, business, and the relationship went on a different plane.
In any case, you have to understand: the current global situation has only intensified his dormant negative feelings or has exposed that part of the iceberg, on which everything crashed.
The states that you must live to rise from the ashes
No, I'm not talking about the well-known five stages of grief from the outstanding E. Kubler-Ross. Perhaps they are somewhat similar to those that I will offer you. However, the latter relate specifically to the female perception of separation. Let's take a closer look at each condition:
What does a woman do when a man leaves? Most often sobbing. She falls into the first of the states - the state of a child who has been robbed of a toy, offended or otherwise uncomfortable. You cry, resentment gnaws at you, you blame the man for all his sins, and most of all for betrayal.
You have to live this state - cry out, speak to your friends, write down all emotions on paper - try it, it helps!
Try not to hang in this state for more than three weeks - this is your limit for transformation. This is the period when the child's state goes away, and you grow - you are reborn into the state of an adult.
At this stage - the state of an adult - you seem to be looking at the relationship from the outside: evaluate, analyze and then clearly understand why everything happened this way. So you can make some decisions, develop new approaches and tools for building future relationships, so as not to fall for this bait again.
The third state is a state of balance and equilibrium. This is the stage in which you need to learn how to feel how to balance in the relationship, especially in any sharp turns and difficult subtle moments.
How not to repeat mistakes
How to wisely guide the development of a relationship by making you and your man a happy couple.
The fourth is the state of gratitude. You start to feel the benefit of what happened. You cultivate in yourself gratitude to the man for the fact that he was in your life and brought this lesson. You can even call him, write and express gratitude for the positive experience, the joy that once met him. It will fill you with positive energy, free you from bitter emotions, elevate and prepare you for brighter, more high-quality relationships.
At this stage, it already becomes clear to you whether you want to return to your past relationship or you have already outgrown them. By the way, a man often begins to return at this stage: he will inevitably get bored - even if he does not admit it to himself. Plus, you will appear to him in a completely different state, in which he may not have seen you.
However, bad news may await him: in 95% of cases, women who have come to a state of gratitude do not themselves want to return the fugitive to a relationship and are open to new acquaintances.
The only and very important nuance is that until the stage of gratitude comes, in no case should you intersect with this man. Otherwise, everything will go to pieces.
Everything always goes away. A pandemic and forced confinement is not forever.
Let's be honest: if a man decided to leave during an epidemic, your relationship was already broken. I will paraphrase someone from the famous: if a man is not with you when the world is collapsing, then he has nothing to do with you even when everything around is flourishing.
A broken heart is the first step on a much more enjoyable journey. Use the time while you are stuck at home in your pajamas and on your favorite sofa in order to develop, discover new facets of life and relationships in particular.
Include meditation, self-care, video calls with loved ones, watching useful videos in your regime. Imagine that you are a butterfly inside a cocoon. And when your time comes, you will fly out beautiful, renewed and fresh. And then you will be happy to understand that everything is not in vain.