2023 Author: Jessica James | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 03:31
In childhood, adults hung a lot of noodles on our ears. They wanted what was best for us, so they gave us different attitudes as incentives for us to be better, study well, obey, eat porridge, and so on. But it is precisely on these settings that you slip, getting the first bitter disappointments. Our expert, psychologist and writer Tatiana Ogneva-Salvoni dispels deceptive expectations.
Tatiana Ogneva-Salvoni
Practicing psychologist, writer
Do with others as you want to be treated with you
However, people do what their environment in which they grew up did. We can make a choice in favor of doing good to people, but it is very naive to hope for their reciprocal good attitude that they, in turn, will pay us back in kind. We can choose one or another format of behavior with others only on the basis of our values, but in no way expecting the same in return. Like "do good and throw it in the water." And sometimes, by the way, in order to remain kind, you have to look evil. Because even the good have to defend their borders, otherwise one day only grievances will remain, and anger will settle in the heart of other people.
Adults know what they are doing and what they are saying
In childhood, we are sure that adults know everything, analyze everything, that all their actions are not accidental, that they see right through us. And when we grow up, the first serious crisis of 20-23 years is associated with just such an amazing discovery, with the realization that in fact these adults do not know and understand nothing. And there is often no reasonable approach to solving many everyday issues. In general, many of them do not even think about it, but follow instincts or the first spontaneous reactions that have arisen. We were preparing to come to an adult, namely a reasonable world, where everything is clear and transparent, but it turns out that this is just the world of physically grown, but for the most part, psychologically grown children. This crisis is associated with such bitterness and powerlessness, with such disappointment in people in general, because you need to re-examine your ideas about the world,all their settings. Many young people rebel at this age, trying to re-educate the whole world under their idealistic ideas … But this too is passing. Fortunately, not for everyone, some make the world a better place for their entire conscious life, thanks to them for all our progress in general.
You will study well and a lot, you will always have a job, respect, success, prosperity
Underline whatever applicable. But this is not entirely true either. The world as a whole is focused on narrow-profile knowledge and skills. A well-educated person, with a mass of developed talents, is often out of work, and his being is a permanent crisis. Even in Soviet times, some worker at a factory received the same level, or even more, than a specialist with a higher education. And now, even more so, a tendency has been established that a lot of knowledge - as well as many sorrows associated with making money. In Europe, for example, where education costs a lot of money, and then a situation began to emerge that many educated people are out of work, and some plumbers, gardeners, glaziers and just factory workers receive at least two to three thousand euros a month clean, and do not worry about tomorrow, since you still have to go look for a good plumber,and accountants, psychologists, lawyers, political scientists in abundance. The same trend is emerging in Russia.
When you grow up, you can do whatever you want
This is perhaps the most insidious "snag" from adults. Growing up - and then you realize that you could do whatever you wanted in childhood. Climb trees, sing, play, dance, laugh, sculpt a parallel galaxy out of plasticine for three hours in a row, and more. And in adulthood, there are so many restrictions related to finances, decency, plans, duty, conscience, responsibility and adult desires that we would have known about this in childhood, oh, we probably would never have grown up!
Villains want evil to everyone
But this is only in children's fairy tales and Hollywood comics about supermen that evil heroes just want evil to everyone, to destroy everyone, they have an evil essence in general by their evil nature. In reality, there are almost no truly evil people. There are very few psychopaths who, by the way, perfectly disguise themselves for society and the environment as very cute and harmless. But those who openly go to meanness, lie, rude, speak badly for the eyes, breed gossip-intrigue and other social evil, done within the normal range, in the circle of friends or in office labyrinths - are not initially evil and do not consider themselves evil. They can be: a) emotionally frozen as a result of deep childhood trauma, which is why they take on certain rules of the game in the adult world, such as “nothing personal, just business,” and feel nothing, since their feelings are disabled.b) The reason for the ugly behavior is deep frustration, or simply fear. A person is so afraid of losing something, usually a sense of security, that he is ready to violate the moral law. c) Blinded by the target. The goal is power, money, love, security. What was sorely lacking in childhood is still missing now, and I want to eagerly get it. Therefore, a seemingly evil person blindly believes that he will have it if he follows this goal. And then he is again ready to go over the heads in the rapture of his illusion.and I want to eagerly get it. Therefore, a seemingly evil person blindly believes that he will have it if he follows this goal. And then he is again ready to go over the heads in the rapture of his illusion.and I want to eagerly get it. Therefore, a seemingly evil person blindly believes that he will have it if he follows this goal. And then he is again ready to go over the heads in the rapture of his illusion.
