2023 Author: Jessica James | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 03:31
All internet marketing gurus say that the presence of haters is a sign of a blog's quality, an indispensable companion to success, and it is they who create the main activity on the blog, increase statistics, and so on. But we are not robots, not mechanisms that feel nothing. And online attacks often hurt more than you'd like. We talked about the phenomenon of haters with Tatiana Ogneva-Salvoni, a writer, a practicing psychologist, author of the book "Rights and Happy" (available at Ridero).
Tatiana Ogneva-Salvoni
Practicing psychologist, writer
Once a girl came to my reception - a popular fashion blogger from Milan. She was literally devoured by haters who were looking forward to every video and photo to write the most poisonous nasty things about her. They even organized a forum where they criticized every little thing. At some point, one of the Internet troll's arrows hit the target, made a breach in the psychological defenses of my client - and that's it, she suddenly became vulnerable. Depression and existential horror of existence began to cover her every day. It got to the point that she began to be afraid to go out.
Haters are the new scourge of our society. Social networks seem to have taken the words of Peter I as a motto: "So that everyone's foolishness can be seen." All came out into the light.
A rare interview with a modern, professional star woman who has a page on the social network does without her, let's say, complaints about haters. "You look in profile, and there is a 'happy mother and wife', but where did this happy mother get so much anger and resentment towards the whole world that she pours it out on me?" - they sincerely wonder.
Do only the flawed really hate?
A hater - or a hater - is an aggressive social media commentator who doesn't care how the addressee will feel his comment. He does not choose words, or he deliberately chooses the most painful speech patterns. Demonstrates vivid emotions in a negative assessment palette. As if we are obsessed with a sense of justice, indignation, joy for purity, honesty, high literacy, correctness and other ideals. This does not prevent many haters from writing themselves with monstrous grammatical errors, violation of punctuation, coming up with facts on the fly, indulging in the lowest provocations, etc. Once upon a time, famous people became victims of haters, but now, because of social networks, everyone who has at least more than a thousand subscribers in any social network is faced with unpleasant negativity.
It is believed that only psychologically flawed people who have nothing to do, who have failed in their business and life, are hating. No wonder they were also called trolls.
However - now it's a surprise - there is a hater in the psychological structure of every person. But someone keeps their inner troll on a leash. Good upbringing and healthy manners, a high sense of responsibility, respect for the boundaries of the other, conscience, psychological maturity, high satisfaction from life - this is what makes the inner hater very small in the personality structure. Even if he gives a voice, such a person hardly hears him.
But they “feed” the inner hater to such an extent that he can fill almost the entire personality, those people who are overwhelmed with fear and shame. These fears, plus the toxic shame imposed from the outside, make it difficult to live in full force. Moreover, they can occupy a variety of steps on the social ladder.
I saw how ordinary housewives and quite successful-looking businessmen, journalists, translators and university professors are hating. It doesn't matter who they are according to the documents. It is important that each of them has in the past some kind of history of a major fiasco that they did not survive, where they once lost hard. And then a hundred victories do not make up for this black hole in wounded pride. They really assert themselves on social media. They choose for themselves an interesting, bright person as an adversary, at least equal, or better many times more valuable than themselves, and attack. And, curiously, they think they are right. Few of them are capable of even realizing the fact that they are actually simply pouring out their hatred, unconsciously taking revenge on a stranger for their pain, which is long in the past. For them, this is a struggle to recognize their own value through the deposition of a stronger opponent, and not just a debate on the social network.
Types of haters
Heiting dresses up in different clothes, and you will not immediately understand that this is an unacceptable negative. There are four main types of haters, but it is clear that each has individual characteristics.
- "Pravdorub"- strenuously pretends that he wants to make the world a better, cleaner, smarter, kinder, more transparent, etc. However, he is ready to "kill for the sake of world peace." Aggressive, obsessed with the ideal. And this can apply to any industry - art, politics, culinary, professional community, it doesn't matter. The main thing is that the author of the blog, of course, does not fit into the ideal, so you need to put him in the "pro-Scrusty bed" of your ideas about how to cut off the author's arms, legs, and head, not sparing his vocabulary. Grammar Nazis, home-grown historians, couch athletes, guardians of the purity of the transmission of facts about the country / dish / motherhood / etc … Their name is legion, but the essence is the same - to be on the pedestal. By serving the idea, they cover up their huge inferiority complex. And, as a rule, they have a deep psychological problem with some kind of parental figure,that is what they are projecting onto the internet. And they pour out on them all those negative feelings and claims that their inner traumatized child would like to pour out on the mother or father.
- "White coat" - this is how the authors of the comments are called, where vanity is in its purest form. The purpose of the commentary is to humiliate and shame another, citing yourself and your merits-skills-qualities-talents as an example. Even if they are fictional, on the Internet they can be embellished, no one will know. The move "here I am" is the most common for this type of haters. This is usually the case for people with deep narcissistic trauma.
- "The Sharikov Effect" - just blurt out a vile remark in the style of grandmothers on a bench from Soviet jokes. The reason is licentiousness, bad manners, intemperance, innate rudeness, lack of manners, multiplied by the physical security of the Internet environment. In real life, these people would be silent, in person they would not be able to say exactly that, and virtuality gives a sense of security.
- The "ordinary troll" is a provocateur whose goal is emotional vampirism. Psychological profile - psychopathic or close to psychopathy. Therefore, they get almost physical pleasure when the provocation succeeds. Their desire is to feel their power over at least someone. They go for forgery, obsessive, resourceful, always on the alert, pretenders, inventive. They choose a victim and finish off. And as soon as the victim somehow reacts to them, he rejoices, he has a triumph, he feels alive.
They want to be in the center of the discussion, even if it's bad, if only they talked. In the film "Calvary" to the main character, his curator says an interesting phrase: "People first look for love from others. If they do not receive love, then they seek admiration. If it is not possible to get admiration, then they seek to cause fear. If no one is afraid of them, then let them at least hate and despise. This is the scariest type of people, do not get involved with what wants to be hated and despised. Man always strives to awaken at least some feelings in others. " Most of the trolls are those who agree even to contempt and hatred, but not indifference.
Hayter hater: five tactics of confrontation
Ignore. As soon as you see outright aggression directed in your direction, close your eyes and do not even read any further. This is clearly not about you, but about the one who wrote it. This tactic works for many star bloggers; they simply do not respond to insults and provocations, to speculation, accusations and teachings in the style of grandmothers on the bench. The aggressor needs an answer in order to continue attacking, this is his food. Don't give it to him. True, it is these loyal haters who maintain high activity on the blog, therefore, having included the protection “the dogs bark, the caravan is coming” inside, some bloggers even tame trolls for their own benefit. They will give a couple of answers, and now he is already crucifying, attacking, writing comments. The main thing is not to read and not take what is written to heart.
Removal or ban. Especially boorish comments, those that cause pain, not only can, but also need to be deleted. This is your page, your blog, here you are the owner. It is quite reasonable to delete comments and even ban. If a discussion flares up on your page, in which someone uses clearly prohibited methods in the discussion, you have the right to make a remark to the person, ask him to behave himself and warn him that you will be forced to ban.
A complaint. In many social networks, it is possible to complain about someone who does not know how to behave. Do not be afraid to use it, it is also a normal practice all over the world. Moreover, legislative initiatives are now being developed against haters. One of the most notorious is called "Hating is expensive" (legal agencies Tlon and WildSide Human First). It is proposed to seriously hit the wallet of those who hate on the Internet.
The answer is essentially. If you have the strength, time and self-confidence, then you can engage in a fight with a hater, but it is important not to slip down to his level, but to adhere to clear facts, rules of politeness and, most importantly, not allow yourself to be emotionally involved in the discussion. Here, the hater can also serve you as a kind of simulator for practicing the resistance skill. I remember a very shy girl writer who disappeared from Facebook for a couple of months after every hate comment. After classes in a group with a psychologist, at some point she found the strength to simply gracefully send a troll, and this time she did not disappear. Then she sent again, a third time, a fourth. Soon she learned to enter into substantive discussions with them, was no longer shy in expressions, and this gave her such strength in real life that soon she published one book, then another, and a third. And before that, the manuscripts of the novels were on the table, because she was very afraid of critics.
Give out glory with a slide. In some cases, it is quite appropriate, instead of responding to a comment or a PM letter from a hater, to make a screen of his opus and put it on public display with a postscript from himself. A man of glory wants - get it, dear. He wants attention, well, here's your attention. This is an extreme measure, therefore a forced but effective one. You protect yourself and receive supportive comments from friends, and the hater still receives such feedback that can provoke an existential crisis in him with a way out of his comfort zone and even lead to metanoia (repentance).
How to distinguish a hater from a regular critic
We receive up to 80% of information about a person from non-verbal channels and only 20% verbally. And on the social network, everything is verbal, and emoji are designed to replace the non-verbal. But all the same, the perception of the written text is more difficult; The same text is perceived differently at different times of the day. Also, when there are more than two hate comments, the eye already begins to twitch, and any criticism is perceived as almost hate. However, the difference between a critic and a hater is that the critic does not devalue the personality of the author of the blog by his remark, does not violate the boundaries. He gives more or less constructive feedback, there are no offensive comments in his comments, and he is as delicate as possible on social media. The critic does not wear a white coat, does not sarcast, does not provoke,you can have a normal dialogue with him and even a discussion. But the main thing is that the critic is not ashamed. Hayter always acts and imposes shame, either directly or indirectly.
