Spying on the ex, endless matchmaking on the Internet, the desire to catch everything: journalist Natalya Radulova - about the main mistakes of modern women.
"God, why did I do this!" - women exclaim at all times. And not only because they do not know how to learn from other people's mistakes. It's just that life is changing so rapidly that we do not always have time to orient ourselves in the new reality. And it should be.
Internet: endless matchmaking
Previously, grooms were not scattered around. My mom went to a dance once, met my dad, heard from him "I'm serious" and decided that it was time for her to tie up with gulks - the guy is cool, it would be a pity to lose this. Try to find another one - it is indecent to get acquainted on the street, there is no one to choose from classmates, family friends have already shown all the “good boys”, Tolik, Slavik and Alik. And here is a handsome, smart and sportsman! What else does? Stop going to an ice cream parlor with boyfriends every month. The search is over, it's time to get married.
How many times did I go to a cafe? How many times have I heard “I'm serious”? It's better for mom not to know - she will faint, having learned how many chances for marriage I have profiled. Mom does not even realize that I can still make coffee and while I am drinking it, I will find twenty smart athletes on the Web and make an appointment with ten. Our moms didn't have that choice. We have, thanks to the Internet. Maybe that's why we are so careless and treat new acquaintances? Therefore, we do not give them a chance to get stronger, we do not forgive our chosen ones and the slightest mistakes: what if the next one is better?
When my girlfriend has a fight with another guy, she immediately signs up on a dating site. The resigned citizen is still in the elevator driving downstairs from her, seething with indignation: “I will never, never make peace with her,” and she is already in Tinder with another. Once such a guy came back from half way, rang the doorbell: "Let's make up" - and she already has one eye made up - meeting with a new gentleman in half an hour.
We endlessly choose, forgetting about the ultimate goal. We just love the process itself. We decorate our pages with the best photographs. We get dozens, hundreds and thousands of these men's "Hi, how are you?" and become champions in CTRL + V, sending in response messages “Excellent, how are you?”, “Excellent, how are you”, “Excellent, how are you?” … We are all waiting and waiting for some special love. I wonder how in such conditions someone still manages to get to the registry office.
Tattoos: love leaves, just like fashion
My relative in her youth filled herself with a tattoo: a beautiful, as it seemed to us then, pattern on the lower back. And a few years later, during childbirth, doctors refused to do her
this beauty is an epidural. While she tried to explain to them that the pain relief she desperately needed: “Ahh! Ltd! Yyykh! ", - she was politely told that paints for
tattoos are not monitored by the relevant health authorities, so it is extremely dangerous to make a puncture in the lumbar spine - into the cerebrospinal fluid
pigment particles can enter and cause complications. Later it turned out that the pattern also complicates the diagnosis of diseases of the pelvic organs, - for women with a tattoo on
the lower back is not recommended to undergo an MRI. “Why did I need this tattoo at all? - the relative is now angry. - Not only is it not very useful, but also all at once guess my age, joke: "Grandma, where is your pager?"
Indeed, the fashion for tattoos is changing. Once they asked "Kolshchik, give me Latinism," then everyone wanted hieroglyphs, a skull and roses. But these are symbols of time. You see a woman on the beach with some stern butterfly on her tailbone and you immediately realize that her young years fell on the nineties. No matter how young the lady may be, her butterfly, like Milady's brand, signals the world: Baba is a berry again. And young beauties who are now "hammering" their hands will someday realize that their ultra-fashionable tattoos look as ridiculous as an anchor tattoo with the inscription "Kolya Taganrog 1986".
And tattoos with the name of a loved one? When Olga Buzova painted something on her hand in honor of the wedding with her Tarasov, I chuckled: "Does she even know the percentage of divorces in Russia?"
Seven out of every ten married couples will divorce - this is the truth that you should always remember when you go to a tattoo parlor. Vaughn Eva Longoria believed that with her marriage
everything will be all right. The actress not only officially added her husband's surname to hers, but also knocked out the initials of the faithful and the number "9" on her neck: it was under this number that her basketball player went to the court. “Tony and I always put our relationship in the foreground, and for us there is nothing more important than family,” Eva said in an interview. "We love each other very much." But the ink on the pages of the magazine in which this interview was published did not have time to dry, as it turned out that her Tony had been playing on the side all this time. His correspondence with his mistress was discovered: hundreds of SMS, letters, messages on Facebook, countless secret meetings. So much for the importance of family, here for you love forever and ever. So Eve went to the laser.
After the divorce, Melanie Griffith took off her shoulder a heart-shaped tattoo, inside of which was written "Antonio". Supermodel Heidi Klum removed symbolism from her hand
ex-spouse Sil. Christina Aguilera deduced the initials of her ex-husband, just like our Valeria Gai Germanicus. Aiza Anokhina could not get rid of the tattoo "Gruf's Wife" for a long time - until her new husband finally rebelled. And anyone will rebel. It is not very pleasant to kiss a body on which, for example, "Arkady" is written, if you are Dima.
Social media: spying on ex
“For the world to reach perfection, you have to wipe your former lovers off the face of the earth,” said one film heroine. But even during the first seasons of Sex and the City, when this phrase sounded, there were much fewer opportunities to learn about the life of your ex. Now the former are always in sight. One changes avatars on WhatsApp, another on Facebook uploads a video from his birthday, the third on Vkontakte updates his status - and your heart stops. You see that they live, quarrel about politics, shave off their beards, have girls and cats - in general, as the great poet said, they dare not be sad.
But why are these details already alien in general biography? After all, no matter what your ex wrote and posted, it won't make it easier for you. Even psychologists warn that it is highly undesirable to watch the former lover. For at least a year after the breakup, one should refrain from monitoring his social networks, not inflate its significance for oneself, not be sad and not angry, not gloat (“Yeah, he’s trying hard!”), Not thinking: “Did I do the right thing? And if he is the best that I had? " Let everything settle down, be forgotten. And there already a keen interest in his fate will disappear.
I recently opened a messenger on my old phone - and there are many, many forgotten messages. More precisely, I thought it was forgotten. But all these “I'm driving home from work. What to buy, kis?”, It turns out, they are still able to make me cry. What would happen if I opened his page on social networks? At least a few unpleasant minutes would have to go through. Therefore, I do not allow myself such. The chrysanthemums have not yet bloomed - there is nothing to go into the garden.
The rhythm of life: you won't have time for everything
“Don't be overwhelmed,” I hear all the time from my country aunt. "You are too hard on yourself, you are driving yourself." For a long time I did not understand what she meant. It’s in their village that everyone is constantly straining, weeding gardens, but what am I doing special? I've just been working in journalism for more than ten years, I travel on business trips, sleep on airplanes and freeze on cold district buses, write texts for four publications at night, write four blogs, read a lot to keep up with everything, run interviews, get nervous in traffic jams, go in for sports, speak on editorial boards, answer emails, don't part with a smartphone even in bed, can't wake up without an alarm clock, and during the day I consume horse doses of caffeine, complaining of chronic fatigue syndrome. Am I struggling?
Here's a paradox: as soon as I get closer to some kind of career goal, new tasks cover me with my head. The more I work, the more work becomes. “But that's how it should be,” I explain to my aunt. "In the city, you have to constantly move forward, you can't stop for a minute." Aunt looks at me with her cornflower blue eyes and smiles calmly: "Why?" I don’t know what to say. Who inspired me that I must plow from dawn to dusk until I collapse from exhaustion? I don't even have time to feel the joy of my work.
We live in constant stress that only intensifies. Worldwide sales of antidepressants have increased 400 percent over the past fifteen years. Today, these medicines are the third most frequently prescribed by doctors in the world. And Russia is not lagging behind - in the first four months of the year, sales of antidepressants in our country increased by 25%, and anti-anxiety drugs - by 11% compared to the same period in 2016. Of course, not all citizens lift their spirits with pills, but for the same purpose they easily use food, alcohol or credit cards.
Are we trying too hard? Yes, I want a car no worse than that of a girlfriend, and photos on Instagram from Monaco. But, probably, you should still come to terms with your imperfection. It is worth sometimes slowing down and focusing on what really matters. And it is important to go to the marshmallow museum. Invite friends to badminton. Take a walk with the dog in the forest. Play as a prince in daughter games. Smell the lilac. Give up unnecessary work and sleep, finally. Or read Natalia Radulova's column.
Author: Natalia Radulova
