Is it true that girlfriends are a ball of snakes? And that female friendship exists before one of them has a man? The writer Marta Ketro answers these and other questions.
There are almost as many jokes about female friendship as there are about female logic, and they are just as far from reality. But with friends, everything is really a little more complicated than with male friends.
It would seem that female friendship should not differ from universal human friendship, because everything depends on non-gender personality traits - it is important whether a friend knows how to be faithful, keep secrets and help in difficult times, and he is a boy or a girl, what's the difference. But there are many anecdotes and myths about female friendship, and I want to figure out which of them are close to the truth.
Girlfriends are a ball of snakes
They say that the women's company is a real terrarium, sheer gossip, meanness and betrayal. It's scary to leave the room where the girls are chirping, they will immediately wash your bones to the whiteness of a toilet, and there is a legend that a lady left alone at the end of a bachelorette party is poisoned by her own poison, since she has no one to discuss the last of those who left. Maybe that's why they always go to the toilet together?
In fact: women seem to be more evil-tongued, because they are infinitely attentive to details, they are able to examine events and people under a microscope, revealing subtle details. Therefore, with them, of course, it is a little scary, they will not pull down either a peeling nail or split ends, if they really take you seriously. But they often rage over trifles and, on average, spread no more rumors than men, often being more merciful in their statements so as not to cause real harm.
(And as for poisoning with an excess of poison, this is sheer nonsense - a woman just calls the friend who left first and tells everything about everyone else).
Women's friendship - until the first man
They say that two cooing white doves are able to peck out each other's eyes, as soon as a handsome male appears on the horizon. Taking a guy out from under a friend's nose is sacred, and even if she met him before, you can still beat him off. The girls themselves are not themselves to someone else's pie, and the closer a friend is, the more you want to get into her relationship. Some have enough conscience to hold on while the couple are together, but after the breakup, the vulture is right there and quickly picks up the “former”.
In fact: it happens that a girl admires her friend so much that she wants to become closer to her in a non-trivial way - "I need your clothes, boots and a boyfriend." Sometimes tension and rivalry builds up between the ladies, and then an attack on a man becomes a way to throw out irritation (I talked about the signs of a hopeless relationship here). Or a girl exalts her boyfriend so much that her friend falls in love a little in absentia, and then she cannot bear it. But usually girls abide by unspoken rules and do not do dirty tricks on foreign territories. Men come and go, but it is difficult to create friendly intimacy, it makes sense to keep it.
The best friend is the enemy of her husband
They say that one of the common reasons for divorce is the poison that girlfriends pour into their wives' ears. And in general, ladies consult too much among themselves, discuss husbands, build stupid strategies and incite each other to "these goats." And there is no greater pleasure for a woman than to ruin a friend's marriage.
Not really. When love falls on a girl, she detaches from the female circle and clings to a man, he becomes more dear and authoritative for her than her friends. In general, people are arranged in such a way that physical intimacy often turns out to be more significant than intellectual and mental. It is very difficult, having allowed a person to the body, not to let him into the head and heart. Therefore, friendship fades into the background, and it is unlikely that some evil-speaking friend will be able to easily destroy a strong love relationship. The girlfriend remains important, but the interests of the family still come first.
But what are the specific features of female friendship, as opposed to m / f friendship?
Obviously, in the generality of gender - after all, the smartest man will not fit into a woman's skin, and another woman is able to understand her completely. It is no coincidence that female understanding sometimes overcomes age, language, social and cultural barriers, and ladies are able to agree on their fingers in situations where a man cannot cope with a thousand words.
A serious difference between a friendly couple w / w is the likelihood of envy and competition. A boy and a girl, having made friends, rarely begin to butt and compete, and two friends fall into this sin quite often.
It is precisely because of the similarity: we have so much in common, after all, we are both girls, but why do you succeed, and I do not? And, since female intimacy can be very deep, there are also much more opportunities for sophisticated harm and painful injury.
But the mutual support between women is also incredibly strong. There are such specific abysses into which a woman falls alone, no man is able to look there. You cannot tell a man much about the fears of age, motherhood, love, or your body, or he will not understand, and to another woman, even a casual one, you can lay out almost everything, and she will share your feelings. And therefore, sometimes a stranger helps another for no reason, simply because she knows what it is like to be a woman.
