Psychologist Svetlana Oleinik - about the notorious expressions, the meaning of which is time to revise.
Psychologist, female trainer, tarologist, numerologist
"You will laugh a lot - you will cry a lot"
The phrase is well-known, but this is the only way no one explained this pattern. Why should joy necessarily be equated with sadness?
The fact is that we are all very afraid to show our feelings. Anything, not just joy. Somewhere deep in us is the conviction that we may not be accepted in the full range of our feelings and manifestations: "I will open up and everything will end badly." So, we reduced our emotional manifestations to a safe level.
To the question "How are you?" we began to answer with the strange word "normal". Is it okay? It doesn't! Stable, even, without joy and sadness. Not the best prospect - to live your life in a state of "normal", without allowing yourself to rejoice from the heart, so that you suddenly do not have to cry.
"There should be a lot of good people"
It is generally accepted that fat people are kinder and more sincere than thin people. But is it?
Of course, a person who limits himself to food and dreams with cutlets and pasta, but in reality is forced to eat cucumber salad, will be irritated and emotionally unstable. If the diet is not a conscious change in the entire nutritional system, but strict restrictions, then the result will be the only one - a deterioration in the emotional state. But do you have to be “a lot” to be “good”? In order for us to be loved and accepted, we need to be ourselves, and not compensate with food for failed relationships and level our emotional background with another cake.
"Business time, fun hour"
I think each of us heard this phrase and believed that its meaning lies precisely in the fact that time is something more valuable than an hour. Time is a lot (infinitely much), and an hour is just an hour of time. And the phrase acquired a different meaning: "Work a lot, have a little fun."
But few people think that the saying came to us from those times when the words "time" and "hour" were synonymous. That is, the proverb meant: "Business time, time fun." Or, in modern terms, everything has its time, and no more.
"You will know a lot - you will soon grow old"
This phrase was the best way to get away from uncomfortable childish questions. Well, who wants to grow old before their due date? The point was this: it is generally believed that much knowledge generates many sorrows, and sadness does not contribute to maintaining health and youth. And this is another phrase that needs to be deliberately revised.
Knowing how the world works brings a lot of experience. The world is diverse and cannot be only “pink and fluffy”. Should you avoid knowing about him for fear of getting upset?
Take every opportunity to learn something new. It develops us, makes us deeper and does not in any way affect the aging process.
"Money is evil"
Money is materialized energy. This is the equivalent of our time, skills, skills, efforts. When we look at money from the position that it is evil, we devalue ourselves and our capabilities. Money is neutral. Only a person can be evil.
Such internal statements only hinder us to achieve what we want, and even block the very process of goal setting. We set the bar down for ourselves, we avoid the opportunity to earn enough money in order to live our life in full and in pleasure.
"Love is blind"
Like money, love was attributed to something that brings people into life not joy and opportunities, but sorrow and suffering. We all really want love and most of all we are afraid of it. Because we see the "goat" as the only inevitability.
Love cannot be evil, it is made evil by a person who replaces love with lust, possessiveness, codependency. If we understand ourselves, know and live our intrinsic value, why should we choose the "goat"? We are so afraid to feel that we explain our closed hearts with "age-old wisdom." Better to be with a wounded heart than a closed one.
"Beats means loves"
If in a family a husband beats his wife, this has nothing to do with love. A warped understanding of relationships led to the fact that cruelty began to be justified by possible feelings. If you love a person, you will not be able to hurt him or humiliate him with assault. There are more harmonious ways to express your attitude towards a woman. It is very scary if a woman herself considers it normal and allows herself to be treated like that.
"Tolerate - fall in love"
Most often, this phrase was used as a consolation to those who were forced to act against their true desire and did not marry for love. A person gets used to everything, including what he does not like, but to accept is not to love.
Yes, we are all different, and in relationships we have to make compromises, smooth out contradictions - this is the ability to build relationships. But it's one thing when we do it out of a state of love, and quite another when the motive is a state of joyless doom.
We must share the betrayal of oneself and the ability to build communication with people.
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Interview and text: Olga Kulygina