Everyone knows how much childhood and contact with parents influence the future fate of the child. It seems that adults are trying, they want the best, but they clearly realize that this whole story with upbringing and interaction is a pig in a poke. You have to wait a long time for "test" situations when an already matured child can do something with a crisis, for example, something independent and intelligible.
This is in general terms about the importance of healthy parent-child contact. And if we touch on the gender side of the issue, it turns out that a lot is not so simple. And, what is remarkable, the main aspects of the interaction of heterosexual family members are laid down by the historical and socio-cultural characteristics of the area where they live. This locality, in our case, is the post-Soviet space, the context of history is the post-war period. That is, we live in conditions "after" a volcanic eruption: much is buried under a thick layer of lava and ash. Now build a village for us.
Let us remember that the twentieth century was shocked by two world wars at once, to which men went to fight, driven by honor, patriotism and the desire to protect their native lands. These are excellent manifestations of courage and valor, only the male population has decreased significantly. Then we just have to reflect on the fact that women with ten children, farm and collective farm work, for example, remained in the houses. And the situation is such that there are few men, and those who survived are probably traumatized physically and spiritually; women are forced to take on the functions of both sexes for the sake of family survival. It’s not that the swing moved to one side, but the man and the woman got off them altogether and ran away, in all directions.
Over time, the urgency of the need to maintain the very existence of the family begins to subside. And medicine is developing, and kindergartens are becoming more comfortable. Moms and dads, on the other hand, are building a great power and have powerful collective values and rules. Moms, according to the habit of their mothers, pull on themselves work, raising children, household chores. I repeat: out of habit, there is no longer a logical need for this. The requirements for dads have decreased: it's good when there is just a man at home.
An excursion into history has been entered. Now we dive into the family level.
The girl learns from her mother to be a woman, from her father - role-based interaction. Moreover, we remember the pearl of the thought: "a man does not cry, does not dance, an ax on his shoulder - and went into the forest for three months." What the girl eventually sees:
First. A powerful and very tired mother, usually unaware of her femininity.
Second. An emotionally and often physically absent father.
Third. An exponentially growing amount of information coming from the West about freedom with which she does not know what to do.
And here she is, having matured, at a local disco, in a terribly fashionable denim skirt, worn over Soviet woolen tights and in a shirt buttoned with the last button. She is in love with a joker in bell-bottomed trousers (who, by the way, was also raised by a powerful mother and the absence of a father). She looks at him and thinks he is funny and interesting. And most importantly, warm. Not like dad. Then they get married. It is strong by default, it is absent by default. But not gloomy and traumatized, but already fun. Not like her dad.
Yes, a whole paragraph of this article is devoted to the incredibly sad irony of life. It has no advice on how to proceed. But there is a clear display of the milk on which we are all fed. We who have no idea how a healthy relationship between a man and a woman should be built. We, spoiled by an abundance of information of a psychological and esoteric kind, and already fed up with it. We, whose attention is scattered into small details and not at all focused on the main thing. We are raising our children on the most modern upbringing schemes. We who see neither ourselves nor anyone around.
Wherein.
We are very hungry for truth and for ourselves. We look for it and find it very often. We are able to write these articles and perceive them with a touch of self-criticism and smiling. We admit that we can often make mistakes and draw conclusions. We forgive and learn to love. We return to denim skirts consciously, not out of need or denial, but simply because we somehow like that young man in flared trousers. We don't know how things will turn out. But we will definitely try to be shoulder to shoulder. But what if…
The time for good researchers has come.
Text: Olga Belousova
