Relationships are not always smooth and positive. Before finding a complete idyll, it is necessary to go through a lot together and go through the difficult stages that each couple has in one way or another. The good news is that these plus or minus stages are the same for everyone, and knowing about them will make it easier to get through the tough moments in a relationship. Psychologist Kristina Gribova tells more about all the bumps on the way to “lived happily ever after”.
Christina Gribova
Psychologist
Have you ever paid attention to the fact that the phrases “we have experienced so much together”, “what was not between us” can be heard precisely from couples who stayed with each other in difficult times, accepted their partner's weaknesses and habits, and also did not give up everything at the most difficult moment. Do not forget that it is the experienced problems that bring lovers closer together and make them a couple stronger, so you should not be afraid of difficult moments, loving people can always solve them.
Let's take a look at the most common stages in a relationship that all couples face.
Lapping. This item scares lovers a lot. At the beginning of a relationship, we are so fascinated by the relationship and the chosen one that we do not see all the flaws and flaws of the partner. The most interesting thing begins later, when the lapping just begins. When people with different upbringing, regime, social attitudes, habits and characters begin to adapt and respect the way of life of another person. At this stage, many conflicts and quarrels arise. Typically, this phase can last from two to five years.
Quarreling. It is impossible to meet a couple in which there would be no disagreements and quarrels. This is the natural life of a relationship. In this way, you indicate your point of view to your partner, outline a circle of immunity for a number of issues, or are simply trying to prove your point of view and disagree with your opponent. Another question is how hot-tempered you or your partner are, and how you get in and out of conflicts. If you are ready to become “wrong” in advance for the sake of a loved one or are determined to quickly resolve the conflict, this is one question. But if quarrels spill over into long boycotts or even bigger conflicts, then this will definitely not benefit your relationship.
Birth of children. Not an easy stage for both parents. Unfortunately, the largest number of couples diverge precisely in the first 3 years after the birth of a child. Mutual reproaches about the division of household responsibilities, mutual fatigue from work / household chores, reinforced by sleepless nights, changing priorities and shifting the focus from man to child often play a fatal role in relationships. At this stage, it is very important how much you look in one direction together and how developed mutual help and support in your relationship is. What will definitely not add value in this situation is reproaches, claims and grievances.
Cooling (alienation) to the partner. This stage is usually pronounced in couples who have been together for about 10-15 years. A number of difficult periods have already been experienced, there is respect, responsibilities to each other, common children, but the old loving eyes and special awe between each other are no longer observed. Cooling can be both physical and emotional. At this stage, you do not need to dust or evoke emotions with jealousy or another scandal in order to awaken old feelings. This is a temporary phase that will pass. You, like your partner, need to give each other the opportunity to be with yourself, accepting, loving and supporting.
Relationship crisis. It can happen after 30 or 40 years, after pregnancy or sudden changes in life. As a rule, crises are associated with the realization that what is real and existing at the moment is not what you wanted or dreamed of. This may be accompanied by a lack of interest in a partner, a lack of interest in life, prolonged depression, complete dissatisfaction with oneself or a man. In business, there is a certain interpretation of the crisis. This is a turning point in the life of an organization, the occurrence of which is inevitable. It either destroys, or after a detailed study of all imperfections in activity, it is the starting point for new development and growth. In relationships, everything is exactly the same: either the crisis will lead to discord, or overcoming it together - to a new, stronger stage in your relationship.
There are acute situations and difficult moments in any business, relationships are no exception. If you are aiming for a long and strong relationship, you will subconsciously choose the right way out of crisis situations. Acceptance, respect, mutual assistance, patience, trust and honesty are the whales on which a happy relationship rests.
