Psychologist Lada Lapina - on how to cope with self-flagellation.
In fact, of course, the honest name of the speaker should have sounded like this: how to notice relatively in time that you are criticizing yourself and try to stop. Because if self-flagellation is present in the character, then there are no miraculous ways to get rid of it. But you can get better acquainted with this process and learn how to manage it.
How is self-criticism usually triggered? Take any life situation of some kind of oversight. For example, you forgot to put a sandwich in your son's briefcase, and apart from an early breakfast and a late lunch, the child will not have anything edible in sight. And they forgot to give money with them or put them on the card so that they could buy themselves a chokopai.
What's starting to spin in your head? “The child will be hungry for almost five or even six hours. It will expire with gastric juice, and not far from gastritis. All the children around will eat their spring rolls or homemade cakes, and mine will swallow hungry saliva. Will suffer, envy and torment, and by whose fault? In my opinion, whose else. What kind of mother am I such a viper. All mothers, like mothers, do not forget anything, they also prepare useful snacks on their own, and make crafts with their children in the evenings, and only I do not have time to do anything and generally cannot figure out my life. " Etc.
Experiencing oneself wrong, “worst of all” is the most unbearable point of the process, but, unfortunately, not the final one. The arguments of their failure in other areas of life are used, and the flywheel of self-accusation is very difficult to stop. Why? Because coal is thrown into the furnace with stable ideas about what one should be in order to correspond to their own ideas about correctness.
In the above example, the idea may sound like this: "normal people (as an option - mothers) never forget anything."
And here in this place lies the hope of salvation. You can argue with this statement, or at least doubt it. Are there really people who NEVER forget ANYTHING? Do you know such people personally?
Ideal people who never make mistakes do not exist in nature.
Therefore, at the very least, you should reconsider the “never and nothing” rule, because it is impossible to comply with it in principle. Let your new belief sound like "I can and forget."
Remembering at any stage of the process of sprinkling ashes on yourself this seditious news, you can sometimes allow yourself to even forget something, in order to get rid of tough duty. The fear that you will now forget your own head, as your parents often promised you, has no basis.
The less energy is directed at oneself, the more it remains for active life.
With the help of the saved energy, stopping at the point of self-negation and forgiving oneself an oversight (and who is not mistaken?), It will be possible to find a solution to the problem. And not even one.
For example, sharing with someone the responsibility to provide the child with everything necessary at school. Or calm down and understand that gastritis will not happen at once. And that children often treat each other, and you can tell the offspring to ask friends to share with him. But the most important thing here is this. It may well be that you forget to put food back in, and that's okay. Fine! And, nevertheless, you are just a wonderful mother, because you are so worried about your child.
