People don't have to be the same age to love each other, but when partners are from different generations, certain difficulties are inevitable. The writer Martha Ketro tells which ones.
Some women start to worry when their men are even five years younger, and when it comes to more serious numbers, many panic. Ah, I am an old woman, what will people say, poor boy! In fact, if the boy is an adult, then the difference up to ten years is generally insignificant. It is unlikely that there is such a gap between you physically, intellectually and culturally - you also surf the Internet, go to the same clubs, watched approximately the same cartoons in childhood, and if you follow your figure, then your body is unlikely to be much worse than that of his peers (worse! but not much). But when you are fifteen or twenty years older, some tension cannot be avoided.
Men feel much more comfortable with young girls, their difference of ten to fifteen years does not bother at all. But closer to the twenty-year mark, they also begin to worry - and not in vain.
What mistakes do we make when “our sweetness” is noticeably younger?
You insist on your age. An old cow, an old fool, the devil got involved with a baby - phrases that you drop as a joke, but too often. Too much, because even once is too much. Youth is blind and doesn't really focus on your wrinkles and scuffs until you poke your nose into it yourself. At first it looks like coquetry, and your partner will argue and laugh it off, but in the end he will get tired and agree - yes, my love is something not fresh. Will it become easier?
You constantly apologize to others and feel like a pervert. It seems that everyone around is doing nothing but pointing at you and whispering, and you need to somehow explain your behavior … Well, yes, they usually whisper. But not too long. The fact is discussed, taken into account and left alone, there are enough interesting gossips in the world to concentrate too much on your person. As for perversions - people copulate in unicorn masks, buy sex robots, engage in obscenities in public places, still use nokia 3310 and eat pasta and bread - and for some reason you feel like a pervert, just having someone in bed young? Don't flatter yourself, you are normal.
You humiliate your partner a little. No, you don't think it is humiliation to constantly emphasize his immaturity: the address "baby", "baby"; “Live with mine - you will understand” instead of an explanation; "You are not interested, you are still too young" at every opportunity. But men do not tolerate condescension from their women.
Girls usually treat this a little more patiently, but they also get tired of being "what a lovely fool" - if you are fifty, this does not mean that she is foolish at thirty.
You try to keep up with him. Dancing breathlessly in the club with your young love, in bed trying to break your own records of twenty years ago, dressing as a sexy nymph or a cool rocker, killing yourself in the gym until you faint, listening to battles in agony, even if you don't like them. Don't torture yourself, don't. You are still distinctly older and, at best, will look like a pathetic fake for young animals, while your maturity is beautiful and seductive, otherwise you would not be loved. Absorb exactly as much energy as your soul desires, be interested in everything new and alive, do not reject anything without understanding it - but do not force yourself, live in a comfortable rhythm, it is no worse and no better than someone else's, but it is natural. Perhaps both battles and nymph costumes are organic for you, but let it be your choice, and not the choice of your anxiety.
You declare this connection hopeless. I will not be able to give birth to your child, so we will soon part. Change me to a young one and run away. This is not for long, why do you need the old ruin.
Most likely, you are right, and it is unlikely that you will be able to live together until the end of the century and die in the arms of this particular girl or this boy, unless you specifically hurry. But there may well be twenty wonderful years ahead, sometimes the same as your partner has already lived - and you declare that there is no value in it.
Or ten or five. And even a year of happiness is more expensive than a series of years in “suitable” relationships, but without love. One day you will part and find yourself someone else, but for now you are together, so do not rush to bury a living and joyful relationship ahead of time.