2023 Author: Jessica James | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-08-03 16:09
In our society, there is still an opinion that selfishness is a disadvantage, to be selfish is bad, and even to raise an egoist from a child is almost a crime. In fact, the opposite is true, our columnist Daria Korolkova is convinced.
I am selfish and I want my daughter to grow up to be selfish too. Because I am sure: this is the only way a person can be happy.
No, I do not think that you need to spit on everyone and love only yourself, as they taught the devils in the famous cartoon. But you have to love yourself more and first of all.
Forget the common myth about selfish people who spoil the lives of everyone around them and cause everyone pain and suffering. There is no need to offend anyone, no need to violate other people's boundaries and harm people, in no case. This is not selfishness, this is rudeness, bad manners or just a violation of the law. Selfishness has nothing to do with it.
Let's start with a definition. Egoism (ancient Greek Εγώ, lat. Ego - "I") is behavior entirely determined by the thought of one's own benefit, benefit, when an individual puts his interests above the interests of others.
Note: above the interests of others. Nowhere is it said that these “others” should be somehow belittled, offend or in any other way treated. It's just that their interests are put above the interests of other people. What does this mean in practice?
The realization that no one will ever love you more than yourself. That you are alone at home, and you don't need to rely on someone else or count on someone to solve your problems, take care of yourself and remember that you yourself are the only person who does not lie to you, does not manipulate, does not use for someone else's purposes.
Only you know how to make yourself good, only you will always be with yourself. You will not divorce yourself, you will not cheat on money, you will not substitute, you will not betray and you will not leave in illness.
So whose interests can be higher than the only absolutely reliable and loving person in your life? Mom's? Girlfriends? Societies, excuse me?
So what happens? An egoist from childhood grows in the realization that he is the master of his life and that it depends only on him how pleasant and comfortable this life will be for him.
Does he want a big house, travel the world and have the best healthcare? He studies a lot, and does not smoke in garages, because no one, except himself, will provide him with everything.
An egoist understands that enjoying life being sick is not a very promising idea, so he monitors his health, regularly undergoes medical examinations and does not start minor sores, because no doctor is omnipotent, and it is better to prevent the problem than to struggle for a long time and painfully with unpleasant consequences.
The egoist loves his body and deals with it, because he wants to be active for many years, but does not adjust himself to any standards, because he does not care what others think of him and his body, they have their own bodies.
An egoist chooses a profession to his liking or for reasons of its relevance, because this (or another) parameter is important for him, and does not follow the instructions of his parents or does not go to university for the company with a friend or girlfriend. And then he makes no claims to anyone if the choice turned out to be unsuccessful, but simply changes his life, getting a new education or changing his field of activity, without listening to the cries of "where are you in a new profession at 40, sit already, bear with me."
The egoist does not tolerate at all: he is at home alone, and he loves himself. He will not tolerate toxic relationships, he will not bend under the aggressors, he will not humiliate himself, because "who needs you like this (s)." He needs himself. And that's enough.
The egoist is not looking for a savior who will bring happiness and love into his life, he is happy on his own, because he lives the life he wants.
This does not mean at all that he is not capable of love, this is a stupid myth. Capable. How all normal people are capable. It's just not love-overcoming, not love-addiction, but the happiness of two people who fit each other, who feel good and easy together. And if one of them ceases to be comfortable in this union, the union disintegrates, but this is not a break with blood and meat, when the whole is torn to pieces, but the divergence of two equivalent particles, which were never whole, but were successfully coincident for a certain period pieces of the puzzle. None of these particles turned into another and turned into a new, larger piece. None of the particles had any ownership rights to the other. And each of them changed over time under the influence of circumstances, and it could well (and both understood this from the very beginning) that there is a considerable probabilitythat at some point the paths will go their separate ways. Or not: many are lucky.
An egoist may well want to give birth to children if she wants to experience the experience of motherhood. And she will be a great mother because she takes care of herself first. And her life will not be comfortable if the child is constantly crying, getting sick, fighting on the playground, torturing animals and misbehaving at school. She will teach the child the rules of behavior, help build relationships with peers, tune in to study and will not bully and suppress, because she is an egoist and raises an egoist. She will learn to find balance, giving the child enough attention and love, but maintaining personal space and inner freedom. She will not become a hen and overprotective mother, because she is selfish and understands: the child does not owe her anything. It was her decision. Moreover: the child will eventually become an adult and leave her,and at least it is naive to firmly associate with the child the plan for the future.
An egoist will be a great friend if you agree in the basic outlook on life. He will support in a difficult situation and help, because the egoist does not want to see a friend who suffers at all. If you are dear and important to him, the egoist will do everything to make you feel good too, because “good” is the goal of every egoist's life.
The only reason why an egoist will not rush to help, support, do this or that is if he himself is indifferent to the one who asks for help. But how can you blame it? It's like blaming the first person you meet for being indifferent and unwilling to spend your whole life with you. Yes, he doesn't love you, are you surprised?
Egoists are the most decent people. Because they value their reputation, think about the future and do not want the long-term consequences of rash behavior. Egoists always think ahead: am I improving my life by this or not? How will it come back to haunt me? And it is completely unclear why they are considered reptiles and bastards. Is it because others place on the egoist some expectations of sacrifice and selflessness for the benefit of others, which are then severely disappointed.
But, excuse me, it was you who were expecting something there, and this is just your problem. By the way, note: egoists never expect more from others than what they promised. Everyone measures for himself.
So, imagine that there are only egoists around you. They work or are engaged in creativity, develop, travel, earn money, do not depend on the opinion of others, go downshift to Goa or emigrate to the silicone valleys, do not stick to people with leeches, enter into equal alliances, do not beg or whine, do not offend anyone, adhere to the rules and laws, build their own lives, give birth and raise self-sufficient children, respecting their personality and boundaries, do not hang on other some fictional obligations and rely only on themselves all their lives.
Would this be a bad world?
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